creative type

I suppose a person is born with creativity. Well, it's not so simple as that, because there are definitely different types of creativity, and creativity can wax and wane over one's life. When I was in high school I wrote rather nice poetry, but I haven't written a poem in years. Poetry seems to be a state of mind; when I was actively writing poems, I would think in poetry while walking down the street, sitting in class, eating breakfast, etc. Once I stopped writing, the poetry in my mind ceased as well. I believe the same has been true for my husband, who also used to write good poetry but hasn't written a poem in years. For him, life got in the way; he just got so busy and bogged down with medical school that the poetry inside him got stifled and died, I suppose. I notice a difference in his personality when he is actively thinking about and quoting poetry, even if he isn't writing it. I know he is coming out of his depression recently because poetry has returned to his life.

But I've always wanted to be crafty creative. My mother claims I used to make the most wonderful dress-up outfits out of pieces others wouldn't have thought to put together, and that they always looked great. I don't remember that. I do remember a time in fourth grade when my science fair board looked dull compared to a particular classmate's (whose handwriting I also admired; more on that another time). My colors never seemed to have life, and my lettering seemed stiff and boring. I've drawn good pictures in the past, but more out of perseverance and a good eye than out of actual talent. Other than that, I've never been crafty. Once when I was young I bought a doll house kit with the intent to assemble it, but it sat around for ages (and my mother must have thrown it out at some point). Another time I got all of the materials to sew myself a dress, and asked my mother to teach me how to sew, but again I never got around to it. I always wanted to do these things, in theory, but I never actually translated that to practice.

I suppose I've always felt more nerdy and style-challenged than creative.

So now that I've found that I'm actually quite good at knitting, I'm hoping there is a creative spark inside waiting to bloom if I just give it the right fertilizer and water well. (Gardening/farming...yet another thing I will have to get back to another time.) I want to be like the mamas whose blogs I read sometimes, the ones who craft with their kids daily, for whom creativity is simply a way of life. I want to create. To bring to life beautiful things that weren't there before. I hope that, like poetry, it can have a transformative effect on me as a person. I hope it can make me more spontaneous, more perceptive, more aware of the small details in life.

Most of all, I hope this isn't an unrealistic dream. I hope I can force creativity into myself, even if it wasn't there to begin with.